January 17, 2021
PRE-PREGNANCY PART 1: IS THIS IT?

Sorry it took me a while (actually a long time) to write hehe.. Been too caught up with work as usual!  Before i go further and bore my readers with my story, do you see any difference on my blog layout now? Hehe I would like to congratulate the two lucky winners that suggested a title for my blog! I swear i couldn’t pick the winner and it took me a few days to decide, thank you everyone for being such good sports! Congratulations Balqis and Aneesa, I sure hope you love my gifts!

Anyways, I promised to share about my road to pregnancy so I guess it’s time?

But before we begin, would you like a walk down memory lane with me and Mr. Bij? I’d start telling you guys anyway if you say no. HAHAHA.

So anyway, Mr. Bij and I met in Australia back when we both were still studying. It wasn’t a love at first sight, it wasn’t the kind of love where you accidentally bumped into one another on campus and he helped picked up your books that got thrown away when the two of you collided, it wasn’t the typical kind of love where you’d see in the movies. It was simple. It was easy. It was what we both wanted (please don’t get nauseated ).

Mr. Bij has always been that supportive husband. We got married after he finished his studies and I still had another year to finish. So, being the ever so clingy yet supportive husband that he is, he followed me back to Aussie and waited for me to finish my Masters. After we got married, Mr Bij and I didnt really think of having a baby straight away, at least not until I finished my studies although at some point in our lives back then, we were still trying. I think it was more about rezeki back then. You know, its like “Kalau ada nanti, ada lah”. We were like that. We didn’t push ourselves but if ever Allah wanted to send us a baby in my belly, we would be delighted to have it.

Then again, Allah has greater plans for us.

We came back to Malaysia for good a year later and that was when the pressure kicked in. Why pressure? Well, to all married couples out there, be it those who recently got married or those who’ve been married for years but still no luck with babies, I’m pretty sure we can vibe through this issue. All the aunties and uncles and distant relatives whom we only met once in every five years or so would always ask: “Bila nak pregnant?” “Don’t you want kids?” “Are you not trying hard enough?”

To be honest, insensitive questions like that would normally riled me up. But thank goodness for a patience and understanding husband who would always talked me out of things to calm me down (bless you, Mr Bij!). I mean, how insensitive can some people be? Sheeesh.

So anyway, after years of trying and hard luck, I finally decided to see a gynaecologist. My first gynae check up was painful I regretted going hahaha. I kid you not, the HSG x-ray test was mad, I was already cursing myself silently for wanting to do this, but no pain no gain, my ladies! 6 months after the excruciating test, my pregnancy test kit still came out negative. It was heartbreaking the first time because I was already hopeful that it was going to work. Although I no longer put pressure on myself about pregnancy despite having many people around me asking about it, I could still consider myself lucky because most of my friends back then were still single. My answer every time, whenever people ask me about having kids will just be so generic like “Belum sampai rezeki” “Still honeymoon”. But boy it broke my heart to say it. Deep down, I was already so heartbroken not even another honeymoon with Mr. Bij could mend my heartbreak (well it depends tho to where the location is hehe).

I remember meeting a lot of friends and relatives and they would suggest me a traditional tukang urut that I should go to every time. I took people’s suggestions as a sign, a sign that maybe if I try it might actually work. Years after years after years, I was still NOT pregnant. I was in a lot of pressure when it hit me that I was already 30 and the friends I spent my time with are all married and have kids running around. And then I heard of IVF and IUI. I couldn’t accept the fact that I had no choice but to try those options and not doing it naturally but if I didn’t do it then, I wouldn’t be here with these babies, yes?

I’m currently in my second trimester and it still feels surreal. The fact that I wanted one, but He gave me TWO at the same time. Who would have even thought of this? I’m in my second trimester now, but the excitement is still there. I don’t think the excitement would ever end, hahaha excuse this over-excited mom to be.

To all of you out there who’s still trying to conceive, remind yourself to never give up. Miracles happen everyday. If you ever feel like quitting, just ask yourself this: “What if I try tomorrow, I might succeed?”. Life is full of surprises. We’ll never know when will we be getting our box full of chocolates, so while you’re still at it, give your best and never stop praying and trying. To dear husbands, your support and understanding are what we hope you’d offer. Nothing soothing other than having your support to get through what we believe one of the disappointing days of our lives. After all, we’re in this together, yes? To friends and relatives, we appreciate your concern and do keep us in your prayers. We never know one’s pain or heartbreak until we go through it on our own. So what was your pre-pregnancy experience? Share with me in the comment box below!

Mimpi Kita